In one line..

- What was it?! - Oh, calm down, it was a half of a year.. They often fly over here..

I feel nothing, I believe nothing and I'm nothing - just a reflection of people. Is there me, when nobody is reflected? What do I look like, when I'm alone?
Three weeks in Kiev have passed and I still hardly see anything. That's all because of my work, of course. Well, I like it, but it takes all my time and all my mind. Nothing matters when you're alone.


 C'est moi, qui espère jusqu'à le dernier souffle. Ma réalité est futilité et désolation mais je ne puis pas accepter cela. Ma vie ne change rien à rien Peut-être, j'aurais dû mourir au berceau.

A Shining Brick

Each time I write an entry, I try hard to find a good theme and I can hardly ever find it. People around talk on Navalny, politics and that guy who said that FBI reads all our mails. I'm not interested in such things. Frankly, I prefer to write something like  "If I lived in other world..." Or something about Shredinger's cat. Or, about the double rainbow I saw few days ago. All these things are just simple and.. yeah, life-asserting - this word should fits rather well.

 "When God created time He made enough of it", however I can hardly find a minute to write anything. Even faery diaries are lost. Perhaps it's time to try something new, perhaps it is just a crisis of my life and writing skills. Perhaps I just need an idea. My friends call this "A shining brick", meaning that a great idea falls on your head as unexpectedly as ordinary brick, and it makes you create something new and interesting. So, I asks for such a "shining brick", because I want keep up my writing, especially in English.

*** .
..If I could find other worlds, then I would come and never back. I would unleash my sacred dreams without fearing the lack. The Sun would shine upon my face and fair winds would touch my cheeks, I would believe that empty road will never take my minds back. As soon as I forget my world the silver wings will come to light.. I will remember nothing more but final flight..

 ***
.. Hey, wanderer! It's time for you to leave. You see, the path lays down to your feet, so take your dusty bag and come to finding a new day. Do you believe me, that tomorrow - is always better than today? The road will save you from worries and from misfortunes too. Once you just do a single step and the way takes you once and for all..

Sometimes there are days, when you need someone to be close to you so strongly, that life stops. Someone to talk with and share your feelings. However, your inner voice says "you have to be strong, you have to get over all your troubles and keep on going". Well, in general, I agree with this statement. But if you don't need anybody and nobody needs you, than what is your life for? You may even be happy, but a silver glass wall divides you from other people. Friends often tell me something like "oh, you're so warm, so bright, so strong"... and nobody knows how I really feel. Sometimes I think that my inner world is like snowstorm, cold, dark and dead. However, I know that it isn't true. I just need to let some time pass to became "strong, warm and bright".. It is just bad mood and illness. When you're ill and sad, nobody wants to keep you company, that's just natural.

The Contact

"Come on! Hurry up or we'll miss everything!" - Ray cried to his sister. Children run down the path. The warm night came and bright light of full moon lit the whole village. "Oh, relax, we have plenty of time before the midnight" - Sarah was elder and calmer than her brother - "and you know pretty well that monsters, ghosts and other demons appear only after midnight" - she thought a minute and added "if they exist, of course". "Oh, believe me, they do! I know, you're just afraid!". He was right actually, Sarah was afraid because she had never been out at night before. However she would never admit her fear. Meanwhile, children found themselves in the middle of the wonderful meadow. It was covered with clover and new grass. Children stopped in amazement, wonderful moon-lit scenery appeared in front of them. Night was still. The only sound was heard, child's breathe. "Are you sure, they will come here? " - Sarah whispered. "Yeah, don't worry. And don't be afraid. Of course, they are ugly but they make no harm. " Children waited. At last something began changing. The dark silhouette loomed in the air. Sarah would have screamed if she hadn't froze with horror. The figure became more and more material. "Wow" - Ray uttered. Children looked at the monster, monster looked at children. Nobody spoke. Bright moon shed rays down the figure. "Who are you? " - asked Sarah the monster. "Oh, don't try, it won't understand you" - Ray interrupted her. And he was right. It could never understand them. That was strange creature, it has only two legs and one head, and no fur, only short hairs at his head.. "Let's call him a human " - offered Sarah two hours later when children went home. Ray agreed.

Reality

Every day we learn something new. Every day we meet new people but only a few of these people and their knowledge really change our life. We are like filters: among the all information we get, we choose only those things which are interesting for us, those things we feel resonance with. It is natural - if a feeling is close to our soul, then it touches us. If something is important to us, we'll find links to this thing everywhere. So, our reality strongly depends on ourselves. That's why I'm completely sure that if everything goes wrong, it means that it is something wrong with you. Try to concentrate on something else, find something new and your world will be changed. And if everything goes wonderfully, then you chose right things to think. Keep on doing that, and everything will be as good as it is.

Flowers for Algernon (Book)

A few days ago I read, or to be more exact, reread this book. I want to say some words about it. My own opinion is that it is one of the most wonderful books ever. It makes the reader think about really important questions. Is it right to meddle with nature? What is better: to have something and lose it, or simply never have it? Is an intelligence the only thing every person needs? Can having intelligence make someone happier? Is it important to understand everything? And so on. In both English and in Russian there is the same proverb: "He who increases his knowledge increases sorrow". And the longer I live, the better I understand this. On the other hand, our knowledge is the only treasure we have, I believe. Many people don't understand how happy they are as the result of their having an opportunity to study, to understand things and.. yes, they can be "normal". The book produced too many feelings in me, and too many thoughts. However, I am really glad to have had a chance to read it. I am especially happy that I was able to read it in English...