It seems to me that I lost for a while once again.
Well, frankly speaking, it isn't really bad though. Now I'm crazy about Prague. (Although I'm coming to San-Paulo in two weeks, and it would have been more natural if I were crazy about Brazil..)
 It is something magic about winter Prague: all these streets with stone blocks, wonderful churches and of course the mystery touch of mediaeval spirit. So, I can hardly be here, in Moscow, I'm walking around the streets and avenues without any syllable purpose, drink coffee in small cafes and write some notes about my mood and feelings. If anyone knew how much it matters to me, if I could share this...
Despite this little melancholy, I have already bought tickets to the Czech Republic, and even rent a room in a hostel, so if I get my visa, I will celebrate New Year There and I will have ten wonderful days to loaf around the Old City..

Meu dia

Hoje foi um dia difícil.
Eu não sei o que fazer quando meus parentes me chamam e eu me sinto horrível. E eu trabalhei hoje apesar do fato de que hoje é sábado... Eu estou muito cansada. Mas eu espero que todos estejam  bem. Uma língua ajuda-me a relaxar assim que eu a estudo...

A year and a half ago I was depressed, saw no future for myself, had no hope, no relatives and no thought as to what to do. Well, in reality it was something close to committing suicide.

At present I'm a "project champion", lead technician and almost the head of the department. Most importantly, however, is that I love my occupation. I work in the best affiliate network in Russia - cityads.com I rent a room almost in the center of Moscow, which makes me happy as I have a fantastic view from my window. I walk a lot, take photos and give English lessons to my team - that's sort of a sideline now. Frankly speaking, I miss my dancing classes, but it seems to me like a small cloud in a clear sky. Thusly, I have only one thing to say: Never give up! 

Je suis fatiguée. Je me sens seule et perdue, loin du monde entier. Mon monde est sans espoir... Je n'espère pas qu'un jour je serai libre et heureuse. Mon travail me tue.

In one line..

- What was it?! - Oh, calm down, it was a half of a year.. They often fly over here..

I feel nothing, I believe nothing and I'm nothing - just a reflection of people. Is there me, when nobody is reflected? What do I look like, when I'm alone?
Three weeks in Kiev have passed and I still hardly see anything. That's all because of my work, of course. Well, I like it, but it takes all my time and all my mind. Nothing matters when you're alone.


 C'est moi, qui espère jusqu'à le dernier souffle. Ma réalité est futilité et désolation mais je ne puis pas accepter cela. Ma vie ne change rien à rien Peut-être, j'aurais dû mourir au berceau.

A Shining Brick

Each time I write an entry, I try hard to find a good theme and I can hardly ever find it. People around talk on Navalny, politics and that guy who said that FBI reads all our mails. I'm not interested in such things. Frankly, I prefer to write something like  "If I lived in other world..." Or something about Shredinger's cat. Or, about the double rainbow I saw few days ago. All these things are just simple and.. yeah, life-asserting - this word should fits rather well.

 "When God created time He made enough of it", however I can hardly find a minute to write anything. Even faery diaries are lost. Perhaps it's time to try something new, perhaps it is just a crisis of my life and writing skills. Perhaps I just need an idea. My friends call this "A shining brick", meaning that a great idea falls on your head as unexpectedly as ordinary brick, and it makes you create something new and interesting. So, I asks for such a "shining brick", because I want keep up my writing, especially in English.

*** .
..If I could find other worlds, then I would come and never back. I would unleash my sacred dreams without fearing the lack. The Sun would shine upon my face and fair winds would touch my cheeks, I would believe that empty road will never take my minds back. As soon as I forget my world the silver wings will come to light.. I will remember nothing more but final flight..

 ***
.. Hey, wanderer! It's time for you to leave. You see, the path lays down to your feet, so take your dusty bag and come to finding a new day. Do you believe me, that tomorrow - is always better than today? The road will save you from worries and from misfortunes too. Once you just do a single step and the way takes you once and for all..

Sometimes there are days, when you need someone to be close to you so strongly, that life stops. Someone to talk with and share your feelings. However, your inner voice says "you have to be strong, you have to get over all your troubles and keep on going". Well, in general, I agree with this statement. But if you don't need anybody and nobody needs you, than what is your life for? You may even be happy, but a silver glass wall divides you from other people. Friends often tell me something like "oh, you're so warm, so bright, so strong"... and nobody knows how I really feel. Sometimes I think that my inner world is like snowstorm, cold, dark and dead. However, I know that it isn't true. I just need to let some time pass to became "strong, warm and bright".. It is just bad mood and illness. When you're ill and sad, nobody wants to keep you company, that's just natural.

The Contact

"Come on! Hurry up or we'll miss everything!" - Ray cried to his sister. Children run down the path. The warm night came and bright light of full moon lit the whole village. "Oh, relax, we have plenty of time before the midnight" - Sarah was elder and calmer than her brother - "and you know pretty well that monsters, ghosts and other demons appear only after midnight" - she thought a minute and added "if they exist, of course". "Oh, believe me, they do! I know, you're just afraid!". He was right actually, Sarah was afraid because she had never been out at night before. However she would never admit her fear. Meanwhile, children found themselves in the middle of the wonderful meadow. It was covered with clover and new grass. Children stopped in amazement, wonderful moon-lit scenery appeared in front of them. Night was still. The only sound was heard, child's breathe. "Are you sure, they will come here? " - Sarah whispered. "Yeah, don't worry. And don't be afraid. Of course, they are ugly but they make no harm. " Children waited. At last something began changing. The dark silhouette loomed in the air. Sarah would have screamed if she hadn't froze with horror. The figure became more and more material. "Wow" - Ray uttered. Children looked at the monster, monster looked at children. Nobody spoke. Bright moon shed rays down the figure. "Who are you? " - asked Sarah the monster. "Oh, don't try, it won't understand you" - Ray interrupted her. And he was right. It could never understand them. That was strange creature, it has only two legs and one head, and no fur, only short hairs at his head.. "Let's call him a human " - offered Sarah two hours later when children went home. Ray agreed.